I am what I am and I love it
I came out as bisexual in January 2015 and it has done a lot to me. I felt so relieved at the time that I no longer had to hide the shame of who or what I am. I was so happy, so reassured that everything was okay. And over time, the joy fades and the happiness goes down and I am much less happier than I was at that time. I am more embarrassed by my sexuality now than anything.
But how can this be? After one year of not hiding and being out in the open, why am I feeling like this? I think the concept of coming out is drastically overrated. Yes, things do get better once you come out, but like most things, nothing lasts forever. I somehow started to feel that the joy and relieved feelings are not what they seemed like they would be. Now, one year on, my daily life involves me going outside the house with what can only be described as a brave face with a smile faker than half the year 9 girls reading this. I hide the feelings of guilt and regret that cannot be explained – slowly eating away at me. Is this what I thought I would be feeling one year ago? No, of course it isn’t. I thought everything would be good and lively with pretty blue skies and rainbows with pride.
I will go into detail about my feelings in later posts. The moral of this background information basically serves as a message to those who class themselves as “the other way”. Although the thought of coming out may make you feel like you will have no more worries in the world, the extinction of the old worry will be replaced by a new one and you will begin to question what went wrong. Difficult to explain – go on, go out the closet, and then tell me in a years time how you feel.