Nothing Can Fill This Emptiness

One of my favourite songs this week is a nice 80s ballad by Cher – I Found Someone. 

I found someone 

To take away the heartache

To take away the loneliness

I’ve been feeling since you’ve been gone

But I cannot relate to this. The same 4 lines are repeating in my head and I can help but think how opposite my life is to this. 

It was summer 2015. I had been out of the closet for 6 months and I felt it was time to start something special with a boy. I never imagined myself being in a relationship and I have to be honest, I never really wanted to be in one either. But I met this lad who I obviously fell for as I do for all boys and I loved him like crazy. 

Anyway, those are all distant memories as we didn’t work out. Over the past few weeks however I have the same thought going through my head. Emptiness. I don’t feel right. I’m happy – to an extent – but I’m happy, but then, I’m not. Something inside me is empty and I need to fill it. Someone who I can go to when life gets to hard rather than hide behind a screen blogging to you! 

See, I also recently fell for a straight lad and that was a barrel of laughs. It just reiterated the emptiness I am experiencing. I am subscribed to vlogs on YouTube made by gay couples being cute and showing their happiness and I watch their videos close to tears wishing for me to be in their situation. I am longing for the day I meet the person who will fill this emptiness. It’s just a waiting game until then.

But good things come to those that wait. 

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