Still Feeling Empty

So I was at work today and because it was mother’s day, I was absolutely rushed off my feet.

With me working in a restaurant, I come across a lot of people who are off different kinds, including gays. With me being one myself, I always like to come across another because it is virtually a rarity in my area. I say that, there are a lot around, I just don’t put myself out their to try and meet them. I joined Tinder the other week and went through every single gay person within 30 kilometers of me and only said yes to one. Thankfully, it was a match. We spoke for a few days before he asked me to add him on Snapchat. After I did that, we never spoke again and now I will feel a bit awkward trying to start a conversation. It’s a shame because it could have been the start of something I am dying for!

So anyway, at work today I was serving one gay man in with his parents and his husband/partner/boyfriend/whatever you call them. He was paying and had obviously had a bit to drink but it was funny watching his partner trying to sort him out and sort of having a go but being funny with him at the same time. They were an amusing couple to watch and it just made me think inside how I want something like that. Of course I would be the drunk one 😉

It’s hard to explain how I feel. I am not sexually frustrated, and I certainly ain’t like one of these year 7 girls you get these days that sleep with anything with a pulse, but I definitely don’t feel complete. I ain’t satisfied. Some of my friends are in happy relationships and I just want one at the minute.

God knows why, I’ve never wanted one in the past.

It’s a bit strange telling you what I’m about to. I am a bit cautious about what I post on things like this in case someone I know somehow manages to find out it’s me posting this. The problem is, there is someone at my college that I actually have feelings for. He is in the closest still though. Whenever I am around him I am happy, and whenever he is not in my presence I feel empty. I don’t think he feels the same about me and I think he would be disgusted if he found out I liked him. We aren’t even that close, just people who know each other I guess. Like, we’ll occasionally talk like if we’re helping each other out with work but that’s about it. I’m too scared to say anything to him though and I don’t want to tell any of my friends that I like him. I’ve gone through a stage of liking a lot of people over the last 12 months and none have ended well at all. I just hope I settle down with something soon that will make me happy.

Que sera sera

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